Remember that show with Lorenzo Llamas, where contestants would come out onto the stage, scantily clad, and he would judge them. He would use one of those laser pointers, highlighting their high lights and more frequently their low lights. The group would be thinned down to the one contestant that was Hot, or the hottest, and the others were Not.
That's how i look back at 2007.
HOT or NOT
1. Forgetting my HELMET for day two of the San Dimas Stage Race: NOT
2. Finishing second in a few national mountain bike race, and winning a few too: Super HOT
3. Moving out of the mountains: HOT - literally
4. Getting my own office at work: HOT HOT HOT
5. Having a 16 year old non-sister: HOT, not, NOT, Hot, hot, NOT, NOT - you get the picture...
6. Giving my bike back: NOT
7. Getting my super cool 69er: HOT!
8. Racing the 12 HRS of Temecula: NOT
9. Racing the 12 HRS of Temecula: HOT
10. Getting massage certificates: HOT
11. Donating my pets to the greater good of some other homes: Super NOT
12. Going to Grandma's 94th birthday party: HOT
13. Watching reality TV with the Johnsons: HOT
14. Minimizing my life into a bedroom and storage unit: HOT
15. Taking the year off from Graduate School: THe best HOT ever
16. Coaching Jr. High volleyball: HOT - surprised you on that one!!
17. Traveling to UT, VT, AZ, CO with Matt, Christie and sometimes Trevor: HOT
18. Sitting in the AZ sun for HOURS: NOT
19. Racing in VT mud, slipping, sliding, flailing: Shockingly HOT (worst national race finish this year! It was so much fun!!!)
20. Getting my PRO upgrade, and Shelli getting her EXPERT upgrade: HOT
21. Getting SHELLI back on the Bike!!!: HOT
22. My new hair cut: HOT
23. The Johnsons, period: HOT
24. Laying on my floor: HOT
25. "Picking up" Running: NOT
26. Family trip to Aspen: HOT
27. Training on the road: NOT
28. Getting new front teeth, for the third time: NOT
29. Falling with my bike at a water fountain: NOT
30. Being able to ride out of the garage on my road bike or mountain bike and be entertained for hours on end: HOT
50 would be too many.
Here's to some more pain and suffering in 2008, a little less character development, and many more good times!
Monday, December 31
Wednesday, December 26
In Search of Arnold
I had a fantastic Arnold picture, but i am on my mom's laptop and just couldn't save it to the desktop. No Dice.
But, in search of a meeting with the valiant leader...of our state, i headed to Sacramento for the holidays. My dad says Arnold is probably at Martha's Vineyard or something with the Shrivers, Kennedy's or other clan with some form of importance. So i have settled for a bunch of Duerksen's. two more are due in about 18 minutes which means i will have to share the casseroles and shower time.
Tonight alone i have watched Cars and Ratatouille. I could read something, but come on now.
I have been putting in some floor time honing up on my abs and pushups. i have this issue that i do not have a bike. yah, that's right. 6 more days to go. without a bike. I have been running up and down the halls and may even venture out onto the streets tomorrow to pound some pavement. Rumor has it that a week off is a good thing. i don't believe rumors.
There are two hybrid bikes kickin it in the garage. I may check the air pressure, put on some capris and pedal over to the coffee shop. I just have to find a basket or something.
But i did find this in a magazine, Mountain Flyer, defining the Rocky Mountain Cyclist. That's me...
"Giving yourself an annual break away from the bike has its advantages. You can reduce teh long-term risk of developing cycling-related overuse injuries. It gives you time to sort out any nagging injuries (or mental issues) from the previous season. ..You can maintain your physical condition with even as much as a 50 percent reduction in riding time for a month."
That's just to make all us lazy ones feel better...
I need to get back to my Disney movies.
But, in search of a meeting with the valiant leader...of our state, i headed to Sacramento for the holidays. My dad says Arnold is probably at Martha's Vineyard or something with the Shrivers, Kennedy's or other clan with some form of importance. So i have settled for a bunch of Duerksen's. two more are due in about 18 minutes which means i will have to share the casseroles and shower time.
Tonight alone i have watched Cars and Ratatouille. I could read something, but come on now.
I have been putting in some floor time honing up on my abs and pushups. i have this issue that i do not have a bike. yah, that's right. 6 more days to go. without a bike. I have been running up and down the halls and may even venture out onto the streets tomorrow to pound some pavement. Rumor has it that a week off is a good thing. i don't believe rumors.
There are two hybrid bikes kickin it in the garage. I may check the air pressure, put on some capris and pedal over to the coffee shop. I just have to find a basket or something.
But i did find this in a magazine, Mountain Flyer, defining the Rocky Mountain Cyclist. That's me...
"Giving yourself an annual break away from the bike has its advantages. You can reduce teh long-term risk of developing cycling-related overuse injuries. It gives you time to sort out any nagging injuries (or mental issues) from the previous season. ..You can maintain your physical condition with even as much as a 50 percent reduction in riding time for a month."
That's just to make all us lazy ones feel better...
I need to get back to my Disney movies.
Monday, December 24
Unraveling By Moonlight
After spending 5 hours on the road Saturday battling the wind, traffic, and debris in the road in the Inland Empire, we deciede that Sunday we should set out east to embark on another adventure.
Joshua Tree boasted open roads, new pavement, maybe 100 cars in 7 hours, and a prestine blue sky. The only issue with the park is water. Although the temperatures were in the high 50's, one still needs to refill the bottles after a few hours. The decison was made to ride 30 miles to a ranger station to refuel, then head that same 30 back which resulted in a long, steady climb out.
I had a lot of food. I had a lot of water. I had moderate clothing, but i was so hot, both jersey and vest were unzipped all the way, flapping at my sides. my leg warmers and arm warmers were rolled up nicely in my back pocket by my almonds. When i ventured to look up, all the guys had complete jackets on, full legs and long fingered gloves.
I did not feel well. I was beginning to unravel. Pedaling was not an issue at all, the problem rested under my helmet, in my head.
My back hurt, my belly hurt, i was coughing a lot which could have turned into a steady pukefest at any moment. Matt asked if i was doing ok. I calmly repeated the above statement and settled into a silent steady cadence. No use stressing over the facts at hand. Nobody's cell phone worked in the park. Nobody was closer to home than i was.
As we crested the climb, Tom told us that we would be riding out of the park in the dark. But to not worry, because it was the park, not a surface road. As soon as the sun dipped behind the craggly rocks, so did the temperature. My heat laden body quickly began to shiver and i struggled to redress on the shoulder.
We soon realized it was a full moon. THe landscape flipped to an entirely new dimension. Everything was silent except for the occasional vehicle, which slowly passed us. We were on the newly paved section of road, so we knew our lack of lights would only put us in trouble with the night creatures. We settled into a pace line as i stared at the only form of light in the group, a blinkie on Matt's seat post.
A big white truck passed, then slowed, then turned around. Tom's wife Trish has felt the urge to come looking for us and there she was. We threw the bikes in the back, i jumped in the front, pulled my shoes off and jammed my frozen toes as close to the heater vents as possible.
By now it was pitch dark. This segment of the ride was by far my favorite. Its one of those experiences that at the time, i felt so horrible, so incapable of completing the task, yet in the warm car on the way back, while eating a hot burrito, we plotted our next near 7 hour cycle into the wilderness. This was truly a fantastic ride.
Merry Christmas!!
Thursday, December 20
Tan Lines
Yes, it is mid-December. And No, i didn't move to the Southern Hemisphere!
Yes, i am still sporting a "small white t-shirt" and "small white shorts." The last three rides i have taken i have only been covered with shorts, jersey and a base layer, which i almost shed after the first hour of five.
That's just how we do it SoCal. I felt a bit chilly on my spin the other evening, but that is just because the sun had set. My computer said it was 53 degrees. Time for the vest and long fingered gloves! Night spins have been excellent here! A tour of Christmas lights does wonders for the spirits.
Yes, i am still sporting a "small white t-shirt" and "small white shorts." The last three rides i have taken i have only been covered with shorts, jersey and a base layer, which i almost shed after the first hour of five.
That's just how we do it SoCal. I felt a bit chilly on my spin the other evening, but that is just because the sun had set. My computer said it was 53 degrees. Time for the vest and long fingered gloves! Night spins have been excellent here! A tour of Christmas lights does wonders for the spirits.
Friday, December 14
Winter Gloom
this time of year i try to be as negative as possible. I need to balance out all the good karma floating around that just makes my skin itch with cheer.
I broke and then promptly lost my camera. If i had it, i would have taken a picture of the Christmas scene right outside my office door. The overwhelming smell of pine is wofting under the "stable" door and i am still angry that they did not fulfill my request for a Live Nativity Scene. If your gonna plug your lights in in my office, at least listen to my wishes.
However, i did find this picture online that closely resembles the winter wonderland that is my world.
There is one week until Christmas break. That week will be packed with banquets, concerts, fundraisers, basketball games, and covert gym runs and cycling in the dark.
That's all i've got. Covert ops and TCB...
Don't let the commercial propaganda suck you in. Buy things for yourself, eat more, and don't decorate the tree.
I'm just saying...
I broke and then promptly lost my camera. If i had it, i would have taken a picture of the Christmas scene right outside my office door. The overwhelming smell of pine is wofting under the "stable" door and i am still angry that they did not fulfill my request for a Live Nativity Scene. If your gonna plug your lights in in my office, at least listen to my wishes.
However, i did find this picture online that closely resembles the winter wonderland that is my world.
There is one week until Christmas break. That week will be packed with banquets, concerts, fundraisers, basketball games, and covert gym runs and cycling in the dark.
That's all i've got. Covert ops and TCB...
Don't let the commercial propaganda suck you in. Buy things for yourself, eat more, and don't decorate the tree.
I'm just saying...
Wednesday, December 12
Shoot Them
The maker of the KAZOO, that is.
There was a Kazoo choir in the school concert tonight. They got to skip PE to practice their Kazoos. They then ditched the rest of class, i caught them though. But now they are roaming the halls, playing the kazoo.
Tuesday, December 4
It's December, bring on the gifts
I got myself my first Christmas gift today.
My Pro mountain bike upgrade.
I sent the news to some of the people i think are nice.
I should have thought twice.
"You’ve just sentenced yourself to a life of discontent, dissatisfaction, displeasure, misery, sorrow, unhappiness, dejection, and possible depression with a strong contrast of self-conceit (my favorite). Congratulations."
Matthew Freeman
So much for that idea.
My Pro mountain bike upgrade.
I sent the news to some of the people i think are nice.
I should have thought twice.
"You’ve just sentenced yourself to a life of discontent, dissatisfaction, displeasure, misery, sorrow, unhappiness, dejection, and possible depression with a strong contrast of self-conceit (my favorite). Congratulations."
Matthew Freeman
So much for that idea.
Wednesday, November 28
Thursday, November 22
Thanksgiving, on the Flip Side
My sister Julene sent this recap of their New Zealand Thanksgiving.
"we couldn't resist celebrating Thanksgiving with you all...even though we are technically a day early! I cooked up lovely non-traditional Kiwi thanksgiving food and Rouru got costumes! The pictures show "the Indian" (Griffyn) and the powow between the Indians (Rouru and Griffyn) and the cowboys (Narada and Chucky). I was a cowgirl but Griffyn didn't really like that term so I was the photographer."
Im on my way to buy our costumes right now!
"we couldn't resist celebrating Thanksgiving with you all...even though we are technically a day early! I cooked up lovely non-traditional Kiwi thanksgiving food and Rouru got costumes! The pictures show "the Indian" (Griffyn) and the powow between the Indians (Rouru and Griffyn) and the cowboys (Narada and Chucky). I was a cowgirl but Griffyn didn't really like that term so I was the photographer."
Im on my way to buy our costumes right now!
Tuesday, November 20
Taking them down, one at a time
This has the potential to be very un-PC.
Team PossAbilities, based out of Redlands CA has a wide roster or athletes. My goal, since about August, is to take them down, one at a time. Van got dropped on a Tuesday night group ride. Yup, that counts. Even though he is in med school and was probably up for 36 hours, that's his problem.
Adam took the dive at the Aspen NMBS Final. Although he was delerious from the altitude and couldn't see straight or breath without a paper bag, i beat him. and that counts.
Art is usually about a minute ahead of me, that counts as being taken down.
There is this guy, we call him Church Socks, because he always wears church socks when he rides. His time will come. And soon.
The most recent victim was Eric (well Adam too, but he has already been demoted) at the 12 hours of Temecula. There were some wagers set that i may have slower lap times than them, but i would definately have more laps completed. As i finished my 8th lap, i asked Eric's wife what his story was. He and Adam were out on 8, and probably done. That sealed the deal for me to limp out on my 9th and final lap.
GOING THERE
On the average, i highly dislike race updates. they tend to be run of the mill. "I started strong, someone messed me up, i worked pretty hard, found my fitness and finished so-so. Blah, blah, blah."
BUT, i ventured away from my usual Cross Country events to compete in a 12 hour race on saturday. i dont train for such madness and the longest i have ever been on a bike was 7.5 hrs a few years back when Shelli and i got lost. i have started that base mile stuff that has put me on some 6 hour rides, but that about sums it up.
The event boasted a cornacopia of Who's-who of SoCal, which was great to connect with the crowd i usually wouldn't see until March. The flip side of attendence was quite opposite. They had no clue what the NMBS is, Cal states or that people race at all. These guys are a specail breed that can dig deeper and go longer than most people i have ever ridden with.
Our pit station was killer. A mix of PAssPT, Jose Ole, and PossAbilities, made the stops a little bit more enjoyable.
I tended to ride with packs of single speed guys for about 3 laps until some one had a flat or went into pit. most of my day was spent in utter silence by choice and then by obligation because the effort to speak or formulate conversation was much too taxing.
Vital stats:
I had fun
I never wanted to quit
I did not sit down from 9am-8:20pm
Ride time was 10hr 45min (probably about 11:20 with pits)
9 laps
95 miles
Something like 14,500ft of climbing
I never puked, just wanted to
The people, like Pua, who actually DO these events, and maintain the same lap times, over and over, amaze me. The depth of their ability ot suffer is astounding.
I rode my bike yesterday. We are still friends.
Maybe this weekend i will try a cross race. Why not.
Team PossAbilities, based out of Redlands CA has a wide roster or athletes. My goal, since about August, is to take them down, one at a time. Van got dropped on a Tuesday night group ride. Yup, that counts. Even though he is in med school and was probably up for 36 hours, that's his problem.
Adam took the dive at the Aspen NMBS Final. Although he was delerious from the altitude and couldn't see straight or breath without a paper bag, i beat him. and that counts.
Art is usually about a minute ahead of me, that counts as being taken down.
There is this guy, we call him Church Socks, because he always wears church socks when he rides. His time will come. And soon.
The most recent victim was Eric (well Adam too, but he has already been demoted) at the 12 hours of Temecula. There were some wagers set that i may have slower lap times than them, but i would definately have more laps completed. As i finished my 8th lap, i asked Eric's wife what his story was. He and Adam were out on 8, and probably done. That sealed the deal for me to limp out on my 9th and final lap.
GOING THERE
On the average, i highly dislike race updates. they tend to be run of the mill. "I started strong, someone messed me up, i worked pretty hard, found my fitness and finished so-so. Blah, blah, blah."
BUT, i ventured away from my usual Cross Country events to compete in a 12 hour race on saturday. i dont train for such madness and the longest i have ever been on a bike was 7.5 hrs a few years back when Shelli and i got lost. i have started that base mile stuff that has put me on some 6 hour rides, but that about sums it up.
The event boasted a cornacopia of Who's-who of SoCal, which was great to connect with the crowd i usually wouldn't see until March. The flip side of attendence was quite opposite. They had no clue what the NMBS is, Cal states or that people race at all. These guys are a specail breed that can dig deeper and go longer than most people i have ever ridden with.
Our pit station was killer. A mix of PAssPT, Jose Ole, and PossAbilities, made the stops a little bit more enjoyable.
I tended to ride with packs of single speed guys for about 3 laps until some one had a flat or went into pit. most of my day was spent in utter silence by choice and then by obligation because the effort to speak or formulate conversation was much too taxing.
Vital stats:
I had fun
I never wanted to quit
I did not sit down from 9am-8:20pm
Ride time was 10hr 45min (probably about 11:20 with pits)
9 laps
95 miles
Something like 14,500ft of climbing
I never puked, just wanted to
The people, like Pua, who actually DO these events, and maintain the same lap times, over and over, amaze me. The depth of their ability ot suffer is astounding.
I rode my bike yesterday. We are still friends.
Maybe this weekend i will try a cross race. Why not.
Wednesday, November 14
It's Been a Week, i have made some very bad choices
1. I agreed to ride my mountain bike for 12 hours straight on saturday. yeah, thats right. and it was probably a bad choice.
2. i started commuting to work via bike. it takes 15-25 minutes depending on the train schedule and the sun setting schedule.
3. I stopped commuting to work via bike and this is why:
A. It made me sweat before work, it is not a long enough voyage to kit-up for, so i sweated in my work clothes. thats sick. i dont want to waste another change of clothes for 30 minutes of ride time, i would rather waste .056 gallons of gas. Being sweaty at the start of the day makes my capris or shorts fit weird (i dont own pants). It also makes my hair uncooperative and my face prone to acne.
B. Where i live, i am surrounded by students. They honk at me, ask me if i need gas money so i can drive to work or their parents roll down the window and ask if i need a ride. this is embarrasing. I also saw some "cyclists" out for a ride while i was going home with my backpack, sneakers and khaki shorts. they gave me the look. not the good one. But maybe they saw my tan lines...
C. Friday i rode my bike to a volleyball pool party. All the kids and their parents passed me on the way there. This was awkward.
D. I take a lot of things with me. loading up the BOB trailer just wasnt a good idea.
This whole issue will be revisted tomorrow morning as i contemplate my wardrobe for the day and whether or not the sweat marks will enhance it, or bump it down a notch.
2. i started commuting to work via bike. it takes 15-25 minutes depending on the train schedule and the sun setting schedule.
3. I stopped commuting to work via bike and this is why:
A. It made me sweat before work, it is not a long enough voyage to kit-up for, so i sweated in my work clothes. thats sick. i dont want to waste another change of clothes for 30 minutes of ride time, i would rather waste .056 gallons of gas. Being sweaty at the start of the day makes my capris or shorts fit weird (i dont own pants). It also makes my hair uncooperative and my face prone to acne.
B. Where i live, i am surrounded by students. They honk at me, ask me if i need gas money so i can drive to work or their parents roll down the window and ask if i need a ride. this is embarrasing. I also saw some "cyclists" out for a ride while i was going home with my backpack, sneakers and khaki shorts. they gave me the look. not the good one. But maybe they saw my tan lines...
C. Friday i rode my bike to a volleyball pool party. All the kids and their parents passed me on the way there. This was awkward.
D. I take a lot of things with me. loading up the BOB trailer just wasnt a good idea.
This whole issue will be revisted tomorrow morning as i contemplate my wardrobe for the day and whether or not the sweat marks will enhance it, or bump it down a notch.
Thursday, November 8
Parent Teacher Conferences
Why is it, that they just don't care if their child has a C in PE, which by the way, takes more effort to receive than an A? So may schedule is long and open. Giving me ample time to tie up some loose ends, check out some "stuff" and do some "things."
FRENEMIES: an account of the mustache ride
In the land of bikes, the emotions can run thick
At times you love your friends, and at others they just make you sick
It is a delicate matter, when to shun them or when they are the first ones you would pick
On this night, there wasn’t even a trick
They made the options quite obvious, like being hit with a brick
That until they shaved, the name enemies would have to stick
FRENEMIES: an account of the mustache ride
In the land of bikes, the emotions can run thick
At times you love your friends, and at others they just make you sick
It is a delicate matter, when to shun them or when they are the first ones you would pick
On this night, there wasn’t even a trick
They made the options quite obvious, like being hit with a brick
That until they shaved, the name enemies would have to stick
Wednesday, November 7
Monday, November 5
Half Breed
I got a new bike.
Its pretty hot.
A bit like a Mullet, but backwards. Big in the front, small in the back. i have no idea what it will ride like or feel like, but i am sure it will be worth the effort.
I am planning on breaking it at the 12 hours of Temecula, "racing" solo. Should be a pleasent day in the saddle!
The little red Specialized is going back tomorrow, i tried to clean it as best i could, and gave it one last hurrah on Sunday. That sure was a nice toy!!
Sunday, November 4
Breaking News: Fontana National Short Track Race Course
Due to an overwhelming amount of smack talk from around the country regarding the Fontana race venue, somethings will be changing. Now this is in no way an attempt to appease the high-faluten, altitude stricken, ski resort riding racers who have yet to understand the fact that urban riding is alive and well in America. Quite the contrary.
The STXC race will be held in the remotely close town of Redlands. WHAT! You can drive across the country, you can drive across the county. ACtually, it will probably be a shorter drive than that from your hotel in Ontario to the venue.
REQUIREMENTS: Single Speed or fix gear road bike. Actually a "go to market bike" works really well on this course too. No nobby tires aloud. this will be a night venue, so head lamps, handle bar lights and blinkies are a MUST!!! Street clothes is preferred, but if you must, a shammie can be worn UNDER your other clothes. YOu will not be aloud to race with a jersey on. No exceptions!!
THE COURSE: The start will be in the middle of the CRIT course for the Redlands Bicycle Classic. Why NOT! IT will be fast with many turns and then the fun begins! You will drop into the ONLY under ground parking garage IN TOWN and complete DOZENS of laps INSIDE! Every 12th lap you will pop out onto the crit course, hit that one up a bit and then drop back in for 12 more.
I am very excited to be hosting this event with my team, and the RedAsphalt ride... WAY more to come later!!!
The STXC race will be held in the remotely close town of Redlands. WHAT! You can drive across the country, you can drive across the county. ACtually, it will probably be a shorter drive than that from your hotel in Ontario to the venue.
REQUIREMENTS: Single Speed or fix gear road bike. Actually a "go to market bike" works really well on this course too. No nobby tires aloud. this will be a night venue, so head lamps, handle bar lights and blinkies are a MUST!!! Street clothes is preferred, but if you must, a shammie can be worn UNDER your other clothes. YOu will not be aloud to race with a jersey on. No exceptions!!
THE COURSE: The start will be in the middle of the CRIT course for the Redlands Bicycle Classic. Why NOT! IT will be fast with many turns and then the fun begins! You will drop into the ONLY under ground parking garage IN TOWN and complete DOZENS of laps INSIDE! Every 12th lap you will pop out onto the crit course, hit that one up a bit and then drop back in for 12 more.
I am very excited to be hosting this event with my team, and the RedAsphalt ride... WAY more to come later!!!
Friday, November 2
Somebody else's great idea...
DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK FOR EVERYONE
The exterior of my office went from Fall Fodder to your local recycling center.
At least Dozer, the school mascot is always close by
This was not my idea either: But i did make that sign. Actually, i just painted it. Some got on my shoe, so i felt invested.
This one was genious: A trash can, brilliant.
Joshua Tree
in an attempt to run away from the smoke hovering over the homeland, Christtie, Trevor, Matt and I headed to J Tree last weekend for some base miles. I saw a lot of this for 4 hours.
Yah, that's right.
The exterior of my office went from Fall Fodder to your local recycling center.
At least Dozer, the school mascot is always close by
This was not my idea either: But i did make that sign. Actually, i just painted it. Some got on my shoe, so i felt invested.
This one was genious: A trash can, brilliant.
Joshua Tree
in an attempt to run away from the smoke hovering over the homeland, Christtie, Trevor, Matt and I headed to J Tree last weekend for some base miles. I saw a lot of this for 4 hours.
Yah, that's right.
Friday, October 26
Intra-Office fun
Matt and Christie work across the street from me. I could throw softballs at their cars as they drive by, and possibly tag them with a frisbee as they are walking to the cafe. They both stare at computers all day. So does Trevor. But he doesn't work across the street. But i am sure i could derail him from his Fixed Gear as he rides to work. Just keep pedalling...(Think Dori from NEMO here)
SO i devised an exciting game. MADLIBS are back and more fun than ever. I send them the parts of speech needed, then fill it in, print them, take them home to the Johnson family who reads them, laughs, cries, and votes on the winner of the day. we are doing a best out of 5, and the prize is yet to be selected.
THIS WEEKS WINNER IS:
MADLIB #1
BEAUTY ADVICE
NAME: MATT
If your skin is STUNNING or ANNOYING, you can cure this condition with the following regimen. Every morning, before washing your ILIAC CREST, massage it gently with a/an MICROWAVE that has been soaked overnight in a/an ERN full of warm PEDIALITE. Then mix together some ICE CREAM and some PLACE MAT until the mixture becomes BREATH TAKING, and pat this onto your RIPPED face for five minutes. Then remove, using a/an POWER POINT, and wash your face with SUCCULANT water. Do not omit this VULUPTIOUS step, or your skin will become TWIGGY. Do this LOVINGLY every day, and you will soon be as BONEY as ANNETTE.
SO i devised an exciting game. MADLIBS are back and more fun than ever. I send them the parts of speech needed, then fill it in, print them, take them home to the Johnson family who reads them, laughs, cries, and votes on the winner of the day. we are doing a best out of 5, and the prize is yet to be selected.
THIS WEEKS WINNER IS:
MADLIB #1
BEAUTY ADVICE
NAME: MATT
If your skin is STUNNING or ANNOYING, you can cure this condition with the following regimen. Every morning, before washing your ILIAC CREST, massage it gently with a/an MICROWAVE that has been soaked overnight in a/an ERN full of warm PEDIALITE. Then mix together some ICE CREAM and some PLACE MAT until the mixture becomes BREATH TAKING, and pat this onto your RIPPED face for five minutes. Then remove, using a/an POWER POINT, and wash your face with SUCCULANT water. Do not omit this VULUPTIOUS step, or your skin will become TWIGGY. Do this LOVINGLY every day, and you will soon be as BONEY as ANNETTE.
Thursday, October 18
Things, Muy Grande
I HAVE A HUGE CALCULATOR, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Luna's got nothing on us!
I HAVE TWO DOORS TO MY OFFICE...one has dry wall on the inside. sometimes i hear people knocking on my "wall."
THE OTHER ONE opens into a world i am not sure i want to be part of. i really dont like the holidays and i really do not like lame decorations. The Home and School committee feels otherwise. My office is in a keen spot for entry to events, thus, i live in a barn. Please note the door to the stable. The floor is covered with hay droppings.
TODAY, FAIRY TALE DAY: The cow jumped over the moon, and landed on my field. i did get permission to use this outfit for a Cross Race. If i ever actually commit to doing one.
CINDERELLA: Most of the time they look like this -
BUT I THINK WE PULLED IT OFF PRETTY WELL. Totally NOT my idea. I DO NOT play well with others. But, i had two coworkers say they thought of it and we just rolled wtih it. I had a prince, fairy god mother and the works. Dont worry, it didnt last for long.
I GOT DUNKED: Thank goodness they set up a parasol. it was hot, 68 degrees outside. They even made the water hot. I knocked myself in twice, and when i sat too far forward the chair would hit me on the spine. I have a bruise now.
I HAVE TWO DOORS TO MY OFFICE...one has dry wall on the inside. sometimes i hear people knocking on my "wall."
THE OTHER ONE opens into a world i am not sure i want to be part of. i really dont like the holidays and i really do not like lame decorations. The Home and School committee feels otherwise. My office is in a keen spot for entry to events, thus, i live in a barn. Please note the door to the stable. The floor is covered with hay droppings.
TODAY, FAIRY TALE DAY: The cow jumped over the moon, and landed on my field. i did get permission to use this outfit for a Cross Race. If i ever actually commit to doing one.
CINDERELLA: Most of the time they look like this -
BUT I THINK WE PULLED IT OFF PRETTY WELL. Totally NOT my idea. I DO NOT play well with others. But, i had two coworkers say they thought of it and we just rolled wtih it. I had a prince, fairy god mother and the works. Dont worry, it didnt last for long.
I GOT DUNKED: Thank goodness they set up a parasol. it was hot, 68 degrees outside. They even made the water hot. I knocked myself in twice, and when i sat too far forward the chair would hit me on the spine. I have a bruise now.
Thursday, October 11
WHAT!?!?!?!
I've been duped. In an attempt to spoof Mr. Freeman's love fest with Bret, I ran across a special person who was reportedly...having a birthday celebration of their own today.
Come to find out: That Special Day is not until FEBRUARY 6!!! What's up with that?!?! The site said it was the TRUTH!!! After spending an embarrasingly large amount of time on this "project" i decided to give it my all and post it.
This is what i found: AXL ROSE aka William Bailey, sometimes Rose or William Bruce will have a birthday. In February.
"EIGHT YEARS AGO, (written 1998) AXL ROSE HAD TWO ALBUMS IN THE TOP TEN AND THE WORLD AT HIS FEET. BUT RATHER THAN BURNING OUT OR FADING AWAY, HE JUST GOT UP AND LEFT. THE TRUE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED AND WHERE HE IS NOW."
Many of Rose's former boosters now consider him a crybaby, an OK singer who cares only for himself and is unable to act his age. Or maybe its just the anime.
Some have more enduring opinions of this rock icon:
"Axl Rose kicks butt. He descended on the '80s like acid, burning holes in a country that had become culturally complacent. For anyone with angst, anyone who grew up under Reagan-Bush, hating suspendered suits, hair-spray rock and synthesizers, Axl Rose was a savior."
"Axl bit a security guard on the leg in Sweden, but as that's the rough Swedish equivalent of the high-five, nothing much came of it." Except some more of this:
"Two former members of Guns N' Roses are suing singer Axl Rose for allegedly naming himself sole administrator of the US rock band's copyrights. Slash and Duff - otherwise known as Saul Hudson and Michael McKagan - have accused Rose of "arrogance and ego". Well, I would probably have an ego issue if i knew people were getting a tattoo of my head on their back. Wouldn't you too?
"Singer Axl Rose says the LONG anticipated release of the Guns N’ Roses album Chinese Democracy will be on March 6… or maybe March 23. No, wait, probably May 16. Or perhaps July. But it might also hit stores on September 23. The four or five fans Guns N’ Roses has left have begun waiting in line at their local Wal-Marts."
Maybe this is where the confusion regarding Mr. Bailey's official birthday began. Who knows, but i am still upset about it. I got a muffin and everything just to celebrate.
I bet you can find that T-Shirt at Wal-Mart
Rumor has it Axl was once a gospel singer, in the church choir, helpful with Sunday School and in the "Bailey Trio" with his brother and sister. But the way things are going tonight, that could be a lie too. I wonder if that is where he learned this move.
Mr. Rose is quoted as saying he really likes Nine in Nails and Hip Hop. Is that allowed? Does that explain the over large possible Raiders jersey and the corn rows?
Here we find Axl more calm and pensive (possibly sedated). Maybe he is thinking of one of his many fueds with Tommy Hilfiger, Bon Jovi, Kurt Cobain, or his band mates to name a few.
Parting thought and shot: Although today is not Axl Rose's birthday, he is worth thinking of. He and Favre may actually have somethings in common: Performing in huge stadiums for screeming fans. Tight white pants. Football Jerseys and well, i cant really think of anything else.
If today was actually Axl's birthday, i think i would have still gone to work. But maybe, just maybe, on the way in, i would have rocked out to "Welcome to the Jungle" or the entire CD.
Come to find out: That Special Day is not until FEBRUARY 6!!! What's up with that?!?! The site said it was the TRUTH!!! After spending an embarrasingly large amount of time on this "project" i decided to give it my all and post it.
This is what i found: AXL ROSE aka William Bailey, sometimes Rose or William Bruce will have a birthday. In February.
"EIGHT YEARS AGO, (written 1998) AXL ROSE HAD TWO ALBUMS IN THE TOP TEN AND THE WORLD AT HIS FEET. BUT RATHER THAN BURNING OUT OR FADING AWAY, HE JUST GOT UP AND LEFT. THE TRUE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED AND WHERE HE IS NOW."
Many of Rose's former boosters now consider him a crybaby, an OK singer who cares only for himself and is unable to act his age. Or maybe its just the anime.
Some have more enduring opinions of this rock icon:
"Axl Rose kicks butt. He descended on the '80s like acid, burning holes in a country that had become culturally complacent. For anyone with angst, anyone who grew up under Reagan-Bush, hating suspendered suits, hair-spray rock and synthesizers, Axl Rose was a savior."
"Axl bit a security guard on the leg in Sweden, but as that's the rough Swedish equivalent of the high-five, nothing much came of it." Except some more of this:
"Two former members of Guns N' Roses are suing singer Axl Rose for allegedly naming himself sole administrator of the US rock band's copyrights. Slash and Duff - otherwise known as Saul Hudson and Michael McKagan - have accused Rose of "arrogance and ego". Well, I would probably have an ego issue if i knew people were getting a tattoo of my head on their back. Wouldn't you too?
"Singer Axl Rose says the LONG anticipated release of the Guns N’ Roses album Chinese Democracy will be on March 6… or maybe March 23. No, wait, probably May 16. Or perhaps July. But it might also hit stores on September 23. The four or five fans Guns N’ Roses has left have begun waiting in line at their local Wal-Marts."
Maybe this is where the confusion regarding Mr. Bailey's official birthday began. Who knows, but i am still upset about it. I got a muffin and everything just to celebrate.
I bet you can find that T-Shirt at Wal-Mart
Rumor has it Axl was once a gospel singer, in the church choir, helpful with Sunday School and in the "Bailey Trio" with his brother and sister. But the way things are going tonight, that could be a lie too. I wonder if that is where he learned this move.
Mr. Rose is quoted as saying he really likes Nine in Nails and Hip Hop. Is that allowed? Does that explain the over large possible Raiders jersey and the corn rows?
Here we find Axl more calm and pensive (possibly sedated). Maybe he is thinking of one of his many fueds with Tommy Hilfiger, Bon Jovi, Kurt Cobain, or his band mates to name a few.
Parting thought and shot: Although today is not Axl Rose's birthday, he is worth thinking of. He and Favre may actually have somethings in common: Performing in huge stadiums for screeming fans. Tight white pants. Football Jerseys and well, i cant really think of anything else.
If today was actually Axl's birthday, i think i would have still gone to work. But maybe, just maybe, on the way in, i would have rocked out to "Welcome to the Jungle" or the entire CD.
Whose got some spirit?
This is an excerpt from an email sent to my homies today and responded to by Trevor Walton. This is what i do, when i am not rolling out the ball. If you have any ideas of your own, please feel free to give me a heads up.
Dear Friends who tend to *work* more than I do:
Next week is spirit week at school. The following is a list of the
days and their themes. Please give me viable options for how I too,
can participate in this scintillating week of tomfoolery.
Monday – Injury Day
Injury Day?!
What kinda messed up spirit activity is injury day? That's twisted.
Tuesday – Super Hero Day
I'll betcha all the kids are hip to Homestarrunner.com (If you're not, you should be.), you should go as Dangeresque, or perhaps a Cheat Commando. You'd be the coolest teacher ever.
Wednesday – Groupie Day
Most groupies dress in attire that would probably be frowned upon at a Christian school. I'm at a loss here.
You could be an Apple groupie. Borrow someone's Powerbook, and an iPod, and wear jeans and a black turtleneck (Steve Job's signature attire.). That's probably a little too nerdy though, and would go over the heads of most of your audience.
Thursday – Fairy Tale Day
Little Red Riding hood?(FYI - this will be perfect. i have a hood and all. Or i can be a princess)
Friday – International Day
Pretend to be French and simply don't bother to show up. Instead, go to Stell and drink countless cups of espresso whilst chain-smoking, and reading Rousseau, or Descarte, or maybe sketching. If anyone asks, you're on strike until granted a 20% pay raise and health insurance for your pets.
Dear Friends who tend to *work* more than I do:
Next week is spirit week at school. The following is a list of the
days and their themes. Please give me viable options for how I too,
can participate in this scintillating week of tomfoolery.
Monday – Injury Day
Injury Day?!
What kinda messed up spirit activity is injury day? That's twisted.
Tuesday – Super Hero Day
I'll betcha all the kids are hip to Homestarrunner.com (If you're not, you should be.), you should go as Dangeresque, or perhaps a Cheat Commando. You'd be the coolest teacher ever.
Wednesday – Groupie Day
Most groupies dress in attire that would probably be frowned upon at a Christian school. I'm at a loss here.
You could be an Apple groupie. Borrow someone's Powerbook, and an iPod, and wear jeans and a black turtleneck (Steve Job's signature attire.). That's probably a little too nerdy though, and would go over the heads of most of your audience.
Thursday – Fairy Tale Day
Little Red Riding hood?(FYI - this will be perfect. i have a hood and all. Or i can be a princess)
Friday – International Day
Pretend to be French and simply don't bother to show up. Instead, go to Stell and drink countless cups of espresso whilst chain-smoking, and reading Rousseau, or Descarte, or maybe sketching. If anyone asks, you're on strike until granted a 20% pay raise and health insurance for your pets.
Tuesday, October 2
Dashed Dreams
There have been many of them. I seem to find out slowly that the illusions i have held onto don't really come to fruition. But thats ok. I never really even thought about their loss when it took place.
Junior High it was this one:
After watching Jackie Joyner-Kersee at the Olympics and realizing through 7th grade PE that i lacked, well, speed and talent, to name a few, i moved on.
High School posed another problem:
Jennifer Azzi was super cool. Funny thing, she went to the Olympics too. I guess it doesn't hurt to aim high. At least this dream was carried out through college, but still two things were lacking: Speed and talent, to name a few.
College:
Besides graduating, which i did, i had dreams of opening my own Gym or a franchise gym. But the sign would have been about this big, but probably written in crooked sharpie. I could blame this one on speed and talent too, but maybe i just realized it was a horrible idea.
Today:
I killed another dream. I have really wanted a six pack. forever. sometimes i buy Oxygen magazine and wonder how i could morph my cyclist body into this. I dont think they mix, So i just keep the old issues around for the ab routines.
Monica Brandt is one of the best in the business. So they say. But this is why i, tonight, squelshed this dream.
what other people eat:
Meal 1: 3 oz chicken; 2 egg whites; 1/2 cup oatmeal with 1/2 Tbsp flaxseed oil
Meal Two: 3 oz Tuna; salad with cucumbers; almonds and a bit of balsamic vinaigrette
Snack: Whole grapefruit
Meal 3: 4 oz chicken; 10 asparagus; 1/2 Tbsp flaxseed oil
Meal 4: oatmeal; 3 oz tuna; 6 oz orange roughy; asparagus
Sure, after 6 hour days in the gym throwing around some weights, gettin huge and leanin those muscles down, i could, possibley, since no speed is necessary, be a compete in weight lifting things. (not sure why i would want to, but thats besides the point)
BUT THE FOOD!!! Come on, where does meal 2 begin? Is that really the cure-all to get those abs to pop? Then no thank you. I will dash that dream myself. Bring on the Fast Breaks and the Nutella. Cook me up some nice solid carbs and send me on my way. But just so you know, under the squish, lurks a six-pack.
Junior High it was this one:
After watching Jackie Joyner-Kersee at the Olympics and realizing through 7th grade PE that i lacked, well, speed and talent, to name a few, i moved on.
High School posed another problem:
Jennifer Azzi was super cool. Funny thing, she went to the Olympics too. I guess it doesn't hurt to aim high. At least this dream was carried out through college, but still two things were lacking: Speed and talent, to name a few.
College:
Besides graduating, which i did, i had dreams of opening my own Gym or a franchise gym. But the sign would have been about this big, but probably written in crooked sharpie. I could blame this one on speed and talent too, but maybe i just realized it was a horrible idea.
Today:
I killed another dream. I have really wanted a six pack. forever. sometimes i buy Oxygen magazine and wonder how i could morph my cyclist body into this. I dont think they mix, So i just keep the old issues around for the ab routines.
Monica Brandt is one of the best in the business. So they say. But this is why i, tonight, squelshed this dream.
what other people eat:
Meal 1: 3 oz chicken; 2 egg whites; 1/2 cup oatmeal with 1/2 Tbsp flaxseed oil
Meal Two: 3 oz Tuna; salad with cucumbers; almonds and a bit of balsamic vinaigrette
Snack: Whole grapefruit
Meal 3: 4 oz chicken; 10 asparagus; 1/2 Tbsp flaxseed oil
Meal 4: oatmeal; 3 oz tuna; 6 oz orange roughy; asparagus
Sure, after 6 hour days in the gym throwing around some weights, gettin huge and leanin those muscles down, i could, possibley, since no speed is necessary, be a compete in weight lifting things. (not sure why i would want to, but thats besides the point)
BUT THE FOOD!!! Come on, where does meal 2 begin? Is that really the cure-all to get those abs to pop? Then no thank you. I will dash that dream myself. Bring on the Fast Breaks and the Nutella. Cook me up some nice solid carbs and send me on my way. But just so you know, under the squish, lurks a six-pack.
Thursday, September 27
Rollin' on the Golden Gate
Since i was a wee-one growing up in the Napa Valley, i have always wanted to ride my bike on the Golden Gate Bridge! Well, this saturday, i will have the chance to do just that!!
Shelli, Cody and I are participating in the MS 150 Waves to Wine Event. It begins in San Fransisco, where you head out over the Golden Gate and on up to Sonoma. Sunday will take us over the rolling hills into Healdsburg, CA. Then, the car will bring us all the way home!!
This is going to be fun because thats what riding a bike is all about! if you have the deep desire to donate, you CAN. Thank you to those of you who already have!!! Super cool!
This was planned a bit on the last minute side, but it seems like everything will be balancing out and it will be nice to just get out of the smog and normality of things. I haven't traveled in like a month, so i guess i have gotten the itch!!
Shelli, Cody and I are participating in the MS 150 Waves to Wine Event. It begins in San Fransisco, where you head out over the Golden Gate and on up to Sonoma. Sunday will take us over the rolling hills into Healdsburg, CA. Then, the car will bring us all the way home!!
This is going to be fun because thats what riding a bike is all about! if you have the deep desire to donate, you CAN. Thank you to those of you who already have!!! Super cool!
This was planned a bit on the last minute side, but it seems like everything will be balancing out and it will be nice to just get out of the smog and normality of things. I haven't traveled in like a month, so i guess i have gotten the itch!!
Wednesday, September 26
Fessing Up
"WHOSE THE NEW GIRL, OR IS THAT A DUTCH BOY?"
I heard this statement on the last RAINCROSS RIDE I went on. I have to fess up. i did not go with the mullet, but more of a traditional cut. Actual pictures, maybe in a week or two.
I heard this statement on the last RAINCROSS RIDE I went on. I have to fess up. i did not go with the mullet, but more of a traditional cut. Actual pictures, maybe in a week or two.
Monday, September 24
The Good Life
Although it takes some time, coaching Junior High Volleyball is pretty much the best for this fact alone:
SNACKS
I don't spend my minor pittance on high end snacks, but parents are more than willing to do so. They roll in the coolers, break out the snack packs, beverages, and pop tarts. They usual try to create a complete mini-meal topped off with a ziploc bag for the leftovers. I usually just got an apple and one roaming oreo cooking in a bag that by the time i got ready to consume them the cookie was best used for pie crust and the apple for dart practice.
"Pittance (through French pitance and from Latin pietas, loving kindness) is a gift to the members of a religious house for masses, consisting usually of an extra allowance of food or wine on occasions such as the anniversary of the donor's death festivals and other similar occasions. The word was early transferred to a charitable donation and to any small gift of food or money."
Sorry. i have come to the habit of looking words up online, and i found this definition quite enlightening.
that was the one and only interesting thing that took place today.
Parting shot: Finish line in Aspen. Thanx for the pic DAD!
SNACKS
I don't spend my minor pittance on high end snacks, but parents are more than willing to do so. They roll in the coolers, break out the snack packs, beverages, and pop tarts. They usual try to create a complete mini-meal topped off with a ziploc bag for the leftovers. I usually just got an apple and one roaming oreo cooking in a bag that by the time i got ready to consume them the cookie was best used for pie crust and the apple for dart practice.
"Pittance (through French pitance and from Latin pietas, loving kindness) is a gift to the members of a religious house for masses, consisting usually of an extra allowance of food or wine on occasions such as the anniversary of the donor's death festivals and other similar occasions. The word was early transferred to a charitable donation and to any small gift of food or money."
Sorry. i have come to the habit of looking words up online, and i found this definition quite enlightening.
that was the one and only interesting thing that took place today.
Parting shot: Finish line in Aspen. Thanx for the pic DAD!
Friday, September 21
Calm Down ALRIGHT!! Here's your proof
Some people don't believe that i actually cracked and cut and bleached my hair. well here it is!!
Tuesday, September 18
Crash Landing
The HOST family
Paige, Darla and Greg Johnson
Two months and 15 days ago, I landed on the Johnson's front porch. Darla swiftly asked if i had my bags with me and if not, to get them quickly. The time since has been spent by to pool with the smell of BBQ in the air, watching kids play the Wii and counting the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.
Sometimes i come home pretty late, and i catch some crap for it. Sometimes i make some food, but mostely Darla and Paige do, and they show me up pretty good. I have become the fall-gal for all of Greg's misplaced bike tools, broken toys, and poorly turned off cable. Its always nice to have someone new to pass the buck to.
the comedy factor is exceptionally high due to the fact that Greg enjoys dressing up in Paige's Bumble Bee halloween costume and terrorizing the visitors.
They have a cat
The problem with *cat* is that she/he poops in the wrong spot. Now i say he/she because i know very little about this creature. I don't even know its name. This is the first time in my LIFE i have not known the name of a pet that resides with me. i feel bad.
*Cat* Waiting to enter. It slipped in once, i pretended to be its friend, and tossed it out the door.
Greg sells Bikes
Thats just what he does. He builds them, sells them, gets dealers to sells them, and rides them. Sometimes. He is so into bikes, he even rode this Trek model to the mailbox, 30 yards away, to fetch the mail in his basket and deliver it to the table. Now thats commitment!
This was a short story of where i am in the hills of Loma Linda. Many a cyclist has passed through these Host Home walls before me, none have probably stayed as long, but i am sure all have felt just as loved. Giant tear. But for real, these guys are life savers!
Sunday, September 16
Not AGAIN!!
I have a problem. Whether it be a one night get-away or an adventure across the country, i ALWAYS FORGET MY TOOTH BRUSH!! I had none this past weekend in Big Bear. I had to go to the store. In North Carolina i looked through Shelli's dad's cabinet, found nothing. In Deer Valley, i was coming up short too. Then Eli stated he was rollin to the store. Did anyone need anything? Well, yes indeed I do. He bought a two-fr. I didn't even have to pay him back. Ever since, everytime i leave this necessity at home or on the road, i think of calling Eli and asking for a hook up. this is Eli at last weeks race. He let me borrow his bike to make a trip to the car. It was a dirt jumping bike. Not good for skirts.
I am being the best model i can be here. Wearing the new hot dress Shelli gave me for my birthday and the cycling jewelery the Johnsons gave me. I am also holding a box of RAD, a new endurance drink powder. At least its brining one of my favorite words back. And it tastes pretty good.
I also won a new jersey. This was the last race of the Cal State Series (south i guess...) and i was able to win it and then snag the overall series title. sometimes i wear the jersey when i am styling my new hair cut, but not any other time. The hair cut, well you will just have to wait and see...
I am being the best model i can be here. Wearing the new hot dress Shelli gave me for my birthday and the cycling jewelery the Johnsons gave me. I am also holding a box of RAD, a new endurance drink powder. At least its brining one of my favorite words back. And it tastes pretty good.
I also won a new jersey. This was the last race of the Cal State Series (south i guess...) and i was able to win it and then snag the overall series title. sometimes i wear the jersey when i am styling my new hair cut, but not any other time. The hair cut, well you will just have to wait and see...
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