Wednesday, April 30

Q and A with Wendy Simms!!!

Windy Simms, hands down my favorite top pro mountain bike chick. Pictured here at a Cross race (although i DO NOT condone CX events, she looks pretty tough here. Like she could eat you.)

I took a moment today to sketch out some questions for this World Class Athlete regarding her recent and continued assault on the World Cup Circuit.

I have found it tricky to contact her, especially since she is prepping for race #3 in Madrid. However, I did have a missed call on my cell today from a 902 area code. I called 411. They said that is a Canadian area code. Prince Edwards Island to be exact. Now Wendy is Canadian, so that could have been her. Thanks a lot, meeting chairperson, one missed call equals a lifetime of missed opportunity.

Since Wendy is unavaible at this time (good luck to her for SURE though) Matt Freeman offered to step in and answer as best he could. Pretty close second I think.

Hi Joy,
It’s Matt Freeman. Most people don’t know this, but I’m president of the Wendy Simms fan club. I don’t publicize it because she rides for Kona and I ride Fisher bikes, so it’s kind of a conflict of interest. Plus Wendy and I have never actually met, talked or even exchanged emails. In fact, I’m not allowed within 50 feet of the Kona truck and trailer at races anymore. Anyway, as you know Wendy is in Europe racing World Cups right now so she can’t answer your questions, but I can do my best. I’ve followed her long enough to know how she may answer.

J.O.B (Joy On Bike): Wendy, you used to ride for the Velo Bella Sorority Club, and now you are the token female on the Kona Factory Team. How do you feel about this transition?

MF: Since both teams ride Kona bikes it wasn’t much of change for Wendy at all. And I don’t like to consider her the token female on the team. I consider her more the queen bee or dominatrix.

JOB: Did you select to race with these boys because they are all taller than you?

MF: Wendy raced cyclocross on the Kona Factory Team, so her transition to the mountain bike squad was seamless. It actually came about as a bet during a pick-up basketball game Wendy was playing with Ryan Trebon, Barry Wicks, & Chris Sneddon. Wendy dunked on Trebon & Wicks to earn her spot on the team. I got it all on film if you want to see it. She’s got hops.

JOB: Do you break as many seat posts as they do?

MF: The last time Wendy broke a seat post she was riding a Specialized, so no, she doesn’t break seat posts! What kind of question is that anyway, Joy?

JOB: Do you find it stressful racing in the USA? Do you feel like your competitors constantly have the “Blame Canada” song running through their minds?

MF: Wendy doesn’t mind racing in the USA, just as long as it’s not in the Hell of the West otherwise known as Fontana. A couple of the Sobe Cannondale girls have been known to hum Blame Canada when Wendy puts the hurt on them, but for the most part Legs by ZZ Top runs through most people’s minds when Wendy’s around.

JOB: A recent post on your blog has a hinney shot of a girl’s shorts that has “MOIST and CHEWY” emblazoned on them. Are they sponsored by some sort of Nougat?

MF: We (Wendy & I) aren’t really sure what the deal was with the “MOIST and CHEWY” shorts, but personally, I believe those shorts belong on Wendy and no one else.

JOB: Your blog also boasts fantastic race shots of the Pro men on your team. How do you find time to race your heart out, cool down, then hike to such places as the “snake pit” and “wolf drop” to support your teammates? Your resilience is enviable.

MF: Don’t let her fierce competiveness fool you. Wendy is selfless, loyal, and dedicated to her friends and teammates. Aside from her long legs and goddess good looks, that’s what makes her a beautiful person and a treat to be within 50 feet of her presence.

JOB: Do you find it difficult to get the mud out of your new, mostly white, racing kit?

MF: Wendy hasn’t actually had to wash any of her new white racing kits and skinsuits yet. Some weirdo keeps swiping them from the Kona trailer before she can get them home.

JOB: You got a new bike, and I must say, its pretty much the cat’s meow. What’s the history on the skull and cross bones on the down tube?

MF: The skull and cross bones is a superstitious thing that is meant to scare off her men male suitors. It only works on some of us.

JOB: You had an unfortunate run in with fate in Arizona with a crash in STXC and a flat in the XC race. What were 7 things that went through your mind as you hiked your bike back to the pit areas?

MF: I can’t really read Wendy’s mind, but she was probably thinking about how hot it was because the sweat was glistening all over her body. She also kept looking back, so she probably knew that she was being followed.

JOB: I see your biggest fears in life are starving to death and freezing to death. Let us understand a little bit more about these phobias.

MF: I too read this on Wendy’s blog and was delighted because those two things are my biggest frears also. This is what draws me even closer to her. Although, if I did have to starve or freeze to death, I’d want it to be with Wendy.

JOB: I completely agree with this statement from your blog: “In other news. I gave up on my chocolate boycott. It wasn't helping. Perhaps even hindering my results. I think my glycogen stores were depleted without chocolate to top them off. Seriously. I think I race better on chocolate.” What was your first choice of chocolate? Walk us through that initial bite.

MF: I can’t answer this for sure, but I’d like to think Wendy caved with some good old fashion chocolate syrup. You know, the kind that sometimes spills and you have to lick it off your arm. I’m thinking that’s the kind of chocolate Wendy likes.

JOB: I like your style. When “Susie Colnago” pulled a fast one, you wanted to punch her in the head. Solid. You said video footage could be found from Newt. Who is this guy? Where can he be found? And can we watch that video ASAP?

MF: Newt, or Newton, as he’s known to the authorities is another one of Wendy’s admirers who follows her (from a court-mandated 50 foot distance) and films her every move. For some unapparent reason that I can’t figure out, Wendy has taken a liking to him and now allows him to fetch her chocolate, lattes, etc. It’s kind of like that paparazzi photographer guy that Britney Spears has let slip into her life. It’s driving me nuts because Newt really doesn’t care for Wendy. He’s just trying to make a buck off of her.

Tuesday, April 29


Message from Sister Julene down in New Zealand:

"Today 100 people gained citizenship to New Zealand. We truly were a motley crew but the experience was really exciting! At the end I decided to join the line of people getting their pictures with the Mayor and since we were the last we had a good chat and laugh with he and his wife. When you look at the picture you'll see Gwen really liked the mayor!"

She now sports a completely coveted New Zealand Passport, plus a US one. Her kids have both too. Lucky.

Monday, April 28

A Few Things Come To Mind

1. Denim sucks. I just don't understand. The kids at school beg to wear it, they cost well over a hundred bucks and jeans are SO uncomfortable!! So i don't own a SINGLE pair. i borrowed some, and well, i must say they looked HOT. but that was IT. So tight, hard run and chase things, when i started to sweat (just sitting and they are SO dang temperature HOT), they stretched weird at the knees, sagged in the back and showed my chonies when i tried to tie my shoe. Give me some yoga pants!

2. Road race. $30. i like this style. Two problems with the day. we were going so wicked fast, there was no time or place to rid my nostrels of their goods, on the big huge giant back descent, they were just all over my face. Also, 1pm race in Palmdale equals HOT. i loosened my right shoe strap. i got so excited and forgot to loosen my left. By the end, it looked like i was pregnant on the left side, swollen ankles, puffy feet. Classic hot/fat foot.

3. Oh yes, i also have a broken cleat on my left road shoe. Solid. but my idea was this is not a mountain bike race, so in theory, the only time i will clip in is at the start, and only time out, at the finish. This did ring true, BUT, the up hill start proved tricky. my pedal was spinning in circles, i was kicking it and trying to get in, i had mountain biker written all over my back.

Friday, April 25

If my mom still paid my phone bill, i would be grounded



Wednesday, April 23

Bullet Points

i have started to organize my rambling thoughts in bullet points.
it makes me more efficient
it also makes you less confused

Dumbest voicemail this week: “Joy…..its *&%$. ….Friday. ….your probably busy… usual. Just calling….to….say hi. Maybe your racing this weekend, maybe not…….good luck. Have a nice day……..” click.

Cousin Quote of the week: “You should know-we just did a trial hike with all of our gear-18 miles in 6 hours and we are HURTING!! Oh my God, what we were thinking? Hopefully what I'm feeling right at this moment will soon disappear and be replaced by my once existing excitement about hiking 20+ miles a day.” Cousin Malora about to embark on the Pacific Crest Trail. For the next three months. Lucky/Stupid.

 I have problems focusing
o I went to yoga
 The instructor talked about an ant on the floor, her inability to focus, and the fact that she could not hold the pose she was in fact making us hold
 This was a waste of my mental time. Good for stretching. Useless for focus.

o I had a massage
 The girl talked the 62% of the time.
 I don’t need any more friends.
• Although I could replace some
 I don’t go get a massage to meet people. Please.

o I lay in bed as calm as possible
 There are sticky stars on the ceiling that shimmer and glow.
• I counted them
o Waste of time

 I watch a lot of reality TV
o You should too. I think it only takes up about 6 hours of my week
o I usually do abs and stretching while indulging, and I get to fast forward them because they are recorded!

o Here are my staples, since the biggest loser is over!
WORKOUT starring Jackie Warner. I fashioned my newest hair cut on her hair from last season. You would like it. BRAVO, Tuesdays @10pm

THE ALASKA EXPERIMENT I should have applied for this one. Although I probably would have been killed by a Beluga, my luck as it is. DISCOVERY CHANNEL (not the team, they don’t exist anymore) 10 PM Tuesday. Don’t worry, I DVR them! Way past my bed time!

TOP CHEF I really like to eat and cook. But I am convinced that ALL the food on this show would make the eater fatter than a lab rat. BRAVO Wednesday, 10pm!

SURVIVOR The headline says “Jason follows Ozzy, betrayed by a women!” Good stuff. I always wonder if the crew and Jeff Probst have to eat coconuts and grubs while filming. Doubt it! This one is on 8pm Thursday, but I don’t remember what channel!

 There are some more!! But I can’t fess up (or just won’t link for you)! Like The Hills, Rock of Love 2, the Real World

 I decided to a road race this weekend.
o Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Friday, April 18

She's Got a Biter!!!

Julene and Baby Gwen

That's what she gets for naming her baby after ME!!! I used to bite the sister on a daily basis. What was she thinking!!

Wednesday, April 16

My Mom Thinks I am Fantastic

At the races this weekend my mom wore a home made t-shirt from 2000.
FRONT: Joy's Mom
BACK: Joy's Number 1 Fan

Maybe your mom will make one for you one day.

Thats right, i am going to report on a race. i think i came in 5th, but that's neither here nor there.

Here are the reasons YOU should go to the Napa Valley Dirt Classic next year:
*$35 entry fee, plus a killer t-shirt, in girl cut

*FANTASTIC job marking the course!! On one corner i counted ELEVEN (11) red arrows, two big chalk arrows on the dirt, and well, a really obvious single track trail heading that way!!(I think they make the bad PE majors mark the course. i had to clean up the course for a free entry one year. it took all week)

*FOUR (4) water stations out on course with at least 20 course marshals!! (It is a giant loop, so it could be a long day for some! At one water station, a former baskteball player of mine was handing out water. I threw it back at her. She was like, OMG, Duerk, is that you?!)

*SUCCULANT single track!! One of the FIRST ever mountain bike rides i did was on these trails. It was at night. with a Petzel head lamp. i did horrible. and continued to do horrible. if you ever want to reassure yourself that you are actually improving your mad skills, go ride a trail like that! I was able to clean everything and actually laughed out loud at the spots that i used to be TERRIFIED of!! Each section of single track reminded me of a different day, a different season, or a different group of people i was out riding with. I passed the spot where i lost all 2/3 of the skin on my arm. I gingerly rode over the spot that i lost my 3 front teeth. I looked the other way when i rode under the tree that caught my camel back and pulled me off my bike!

Most of the trails remain the same as they were back in early 2000, except for this spot. The President of the college had a house built to the left. That was the trail. Now the trail is to the right. This part sucked.

This is one of my favorite spots, it lasts about 60 feet, nice and tight through a Manzanita grove. I found myself being the roving GPS through some spots of the trail and inadvertantly yelling out that yes, you can take that line, and no you shouldn't take the right side on the first Woop-de-Woop. The girls were sad when they dropped me.

i also got to see former students of mine, some of my favorite professors and advisors from college and my basketball coaches and teammates as well. its amazing i was able to focus enough to even RIDE my bike! I was also elated to share the ride with so many fantastic racers like Maureen, Emma, Heidi, Mary Ellen and ALL the boys...
I snuck into the basketball team room, and i think i half scared the coaches and the high school seniors that were there trying out for the team. I asked them if i could Walk On, they just stared at me.

And, as planned earlier, i began spending my $178. The entry fee. The bike flying as luggage, and this little number, just in time for a weekend by the pool. And away from racing.

Thursday, April 10



i decided how to waste my money away. I am going to the Napa Valley Dirt Classic, in the Napa Valley. DUH. My parents live close, i grew up there, and the trails are better than Aspen. Well, maybe they are. The first bike-packing of the season had me scratching my head and wondering if this will be the year i crack my frame.

Yesterday i had a really hard day at work.

Nancy and I took 36 kids to Laguna, the Beach. We were pretty cute in are BIG glasses, and yes, that IS my favorite shirt. Paige gave it to me for Valentine's day. AWWW.

I had a HUGE lunch at Johnny Rockets - delic! Water and a Root Beer Float.

We needed to take a volleyball to the beach so the kids could recreate, so i took the closest one i could find. Come to find out, it is from another school. They are for indoor use only.

NOVA: i raced a bike in Arizona and nothing went wrong. That's my story, and i am sticking too it! I even busted out the Onesy for Short Track, where i started um LAST and ended up 33rd! You know it is funny when the 30's is a good day!! The podiums for the weekend were littered with National Champions from 4 countries, so i can not complain!

The learning curve was VERY high, and i am now three days closer to stellar fitness!!

Thanx a ton to EMMA, who is doing EXCELLENT in the expert ranks, for taking killer shots, which i have subsequently stolen from her. Nice!! i will return the favor, perhaps!!

Wednesday, April 9

Things i can do with $178 other than race at Sea Otter

I was going to go to Sea Otter.
Now i am not.

I have a job.
plus, I tend to have odd misfortunes there, and well, spending a small fortune in the process is really lame.

I went on the NET to see if i could register! Sure i can. BUT, since the race is like 2 weeks away, there are $25 late fee's for each category. That equals a $77 Short Track Race. Now i am no genuis, and i am no phenom at STXC. My last one lasted a whopping 18 minutes. Pretty long if you think about it. That means EACH MINUTE OF THE RACE WOULD HAVE COST ME $4.27!!!!

oK, i can bail out of that race. BUT, the Cross Country race cost $91. I just paid $105 for three races. I'm out.

Here's what i am going to contemplate doing with that cash instead:
1. Give it to Trevor.
2. Buy a pair of Rock and Republic jeans. (um, only if tattoo face helps me pick them out)
3. 6 bikini's from target or 2 from some other place
4. 1.35 months worth of rent on my storage unit
5. 1/4 of the new axle on my car
6. A hair cut - i need one, and a dye job, and a brow wax
7. A tattoo and a half, just to keep up with David
8. FOOD - buying non sugary non-processed food gets pretty pricey
9. 5.39 pairs of Crocs
10. 3.25 entries to State Races

I will be sure to keep you posted on what i do with my cash.

Maybe i will just put it under my bed.

Thursday, April 3

I must confess

And NO this has nothing to do with eating an entire package of oreo's or anything.

The Elders have decided that i must go on yet ANOTHER right of passage quest.

Tomorrow, before the sun rises over the smoggy peaks, i will be on my way to Scottsdale, AZ for round 2 of the National Mountain Bike Series.

I will at last return having spent hours on the bike getting a great cardio blast.